


I Can't Bear Anotter Joke

by SlytherinHowl



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Bad Jokes, Bold of you to assume, Canon What Canon, Everyone is OOC and I don't care, F/M, Fluff and Humor, I guess you too Tyrion, I just want my babies to be happy in Bear Island, I laugh in the face of canon, I love otters, I reached my peak of dumbass, Otters, Real bad otter jokes, Team Targaryen being wholesome, With otters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-31 01:41:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21037784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinHowl/pseuds/SlytherinHowl
Summary: In which the Queen shows her small council her comic side, Tyrion gets jealous and Jorah, Missandei and Grey Worm have a well-deserved laugh. Set in an AU where Dany took the throne somewhat peacefully and married Jorah shortly after. No Mad Queen bs allowed here.





	I Can't Bear Anotter Joke

When people mentioned Bear Island all that came to mind was, well, _bears_. Perhaps a ton of ice and later in my life, bloody Mormonts. It is much greener than I would have guessed and much happier, as surprising as it seems. Of course, all islanders are very much broody northerners, but it appears that ever since the Night King was defeated they learned that keeping your brows furrowed in a scowl at all times _hurts_, even Jorah. Alright, alright, he only ever smiles (if you can call that a smile) at his precious Khaleesi, but it’s progress! All progress should be celebrated. 

This is what the Queen’s council is doing here. Slow and steady, the Seven Kingdoms are progressing. I’m still not sure where Daenerys wants to get with her idea of letting the people choose their leaders like the former Night’s Watch did, but I suppose I’ll have to wait and see. As her Hand, I tried to dissuade her of the idea, but she won’t budge, not with Mormont, Grey Worm and Missandei doing the exact opposite of my job. It’s not fair that their opinions count as advice from family and mine are just the meddling of her Hand. But I must not dwell on it; Daenerys told me that we were on a _break_, and if I were to disturb her well-deserved moments of peace with political blabber she would feed me to Drogon. I better not test her on that. 

I’m having a good time here, even though the wine is bad and I haven’t found one single whore in this place. The pine trees, the hills, the icy streams that lead to crystalline lakes, all awe-inspiring. I even saw one real bear, now that they’re out of hibernation. They are rather glorious creatures, not that Mormont or his cousin need to know that that. Earlier today he decided to show us foreigners something different, a part of Bear Island only locals get to see. He led us through a small path along a stream for a long while, my feet hurt. I knew the Unsullied behind me were bored out of their minds, but Grey Worm, Missandei, Daenerys and Jorah seemed to be having the time of their lives. Both women were walking leisurely hand in hand with their husbands, calmer than I ever saw any of them. They would have ignored my presence completely if I hadn’t kicked a pebble at their shins every now and then. I could only hope that whatever he wanted to show us was worth it. 

“Slowly now, we don’t want to disturb them,” Mormont said quietly, leading us around a few rocks on the bank. I still couldn’t see what the Queen saw to make her beam. 

“Jorah, they’re precious!” 

“Aye, Khaleesi. They come to Bear Island to mate,” Mormont fondly stroked his wife’s hair, still blocking me from seeing whatever is in the water. I trudged around their long legs to finally see what in the seven hells is so precious. Oh, the furry little creatures playing with their pups on the shallow pools near the stream were definitely not what I was expecting. 

“Water cats?” Grey Worm asked. 

“Otters,” Jorah replied, still looking at Daenerys as if she was his sun. Well, she is. 

“Others what?” the soldier asked again, more confused than before. 

“Otters, they’re otters, Torgo,” the Queen tried to explain to her friend and counsellor, who only seemed to get more frustrated. 

“Others _what_, Your Grace?” by this point Missandei was almost wheezing. 

“Bisa iksis se brōzi hen dȳñes, Torgo. O-T-T-E-R. O_tt_er, not o_th_er. Can you hear the difference?” the translator asked patiently in her teacher voice. I always feel like a dumb little boy whenever she speaks to me like that, but Grey Worm doesn’t seem to mind. Missandei teacher good. 

“Strange language,” Grey Worm muttered. 

“I suppose that for you, Torgo, sometimes the common tongue must sound like something from…” Daenerys stopped for a bit, trying to conceal her grin. Oh no. Oh no, “_anotter_ world.” 

Missandei absolutely lost her shit. I had never seen her laugh so hard, especially because of such a lame joke. The Queen is not supposed to tell jokes! She doesn’t have a sense of humour! _I_ have a sense of humour, I’m the _only one_ on that council allowed to have a sense of humour! I don’t want any competition. 

“You’re spending too much time around Tyrion, Khaleesi,” Mormont grunted, but he too was hiding a smile. Damn it, he’s never laughed at _my_ jokes. 

“Of course not! If she was learning from me she would never make such an atrocious pun! Neither would she laugh at her own jokes, a good comedian never laughs at his own jokes!” I replied indignantly. 

“Then you must be an _otter_ failure at comedy, Tyrion,” Daenerys shot back smugly. I was flabbergasted. 

“How dare you, Your Grace!” Her jokes were bad. Bad! Why was I having trouble not laughing? Fucking hell, I didn’t want to let her win but she was winning. 

“How dare you, My Lord! I am your Queen, you _otter_ respect me!” Seven Hells, where were all those coming from? Mormont started laughing too! Mormont! Even Grey Worm was chuckling, although I supposed he didn’t understand the jokes and was laughing at his wife’s reaction. 

“She’s beaten you at your own game, Tyrion,” Mormont said with fondness for his Queen written all over his face. She turned to him, still smiling wickedly, and kissed the bear knight soundly, something she doesn’t do very often. I rolled my eyes at them and their antics. 

“Who are you and what have you done to Jorah and Daenerys?!” 

“Nothing. It’s just fun to take the piss out of you sometimes,” Mormont replied, gruff as always, but his eyes shone just like the Queen’s. 

“Ser Jorah! What a foul expression! This kind of language is not appropriate for the Queen’s significant _otter,_” Daenerys crooned to her husband, completely ignoring me. Again. 

“I believe Your Grace has made every single otter joke known to man. It’s about time you stop,” I may have lost this battle but I won’t lose the war! We’ll see if she is as clever and funny when the subject is drink, sex or self-deprecation. The Dragon Queen won’t stand a chance against this Lion! 

“Stop me, dear Hand? Im-paw-sible!” she laughed again at her own joke. I didn’t. Not at all. Never. I only bit my hand because, well, it’s tasty. Very tasty. 

“At least it’s not otters anymore.” 

“Oh, I have otters!” she gestured to the animals playing in the water near our feet, “but I must honour the fauna and the name of this beautiful island. I can’t _bear_ to be repetitive,” more uncontrollable laughter from Mormont and Missandei. Grey Worm still looked awkward, not knowing what was going on. 

“Seven Hells, what has gotten into you? Formalities be damned, Daenerys, you and your husband have the sense of humour of a rock. What’s with the lame jokes all of a sudden?” 

“They are not lame,” Daenerys told me in her queenliest voice, the one that makes me fear for my life a little. 

“Answer the question!” I heard snickering to my right and was I surprised to find that it came from Grey Worm. I then noticed I had stomped my foot on the ground while both my hands were on my waist. The image reminded me of Joffrey, so I quickly dropped my hands and straightened out, disgusted at myself. 

“Your Lannister is showing, Little Lion,” he said, still amused. Getting the commander of the Unsullied to smile is a feat of its own, however much I hate the fact that he was laughing at my most shameful features. 

“Indeed it is, Torgo. We might need to tame it. I don’t want such a beast roaring near my hatchling,” Daenerys answered Grey Worm, but her eyes were on Jorah’s widening smile. My eyes widened too. No way! 

“Hatchling, Your Grace?” she turned to me, smiling brightly, one of her hands around her husband and the other on her belly. Yes way! 

“I never thought I would be able to have _anotter_ pup,” Mormont huffed and kissed the side of her head, “but I can have a dragon-bear cub instead.” 

My lips gained a life of their own, smiling so broadly and so brightly that I imagine I must have looked like a completely different person. A child! Daenerys is with child! My feet too moved on their own accord and soon I was standing before the crouching Queen, enveloping her in a hug. Jorah, Missandei, and Grey Worm joined us on that merry little bundle and I felt happy like I hadn’t felt in a long time. I have no doubt that we all will give our best to raise this child in the best way, with all the love and the care in the world. To imagine all the things I’ll show him or her, all the things we’ll do together! I already have one thing on the top of my list: I’m going to teach that child every curse word I know, or my name isn’t Tyrion Lannister.

**Author's Note:**

> 'Bisa iksis se brōzi hen dȳñes': apparently this shit means 'This is the name of the animal' in Valyrian. In online Valyrian translator we trust. 
> 
> I've fucked around with English phonetics in this story. Don't ever show this to my phonetics prof at uni. I <strike>don't</strike> know what I'm doing, I passed his subject with a 98 out of 100 <strike>because the motherfucker hated me. I called him out on his dumb mistakes. Yes I'm that kind of person I hate it too. </strike>


End file.
